oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
