Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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