The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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