No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
