insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
