she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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