You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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