Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
