what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
