Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
