i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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