Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
