can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
