the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
