I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
