you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
