I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
