I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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