Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
