She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
