4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
