I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
