you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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