Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
