I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
