it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize