omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
