I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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