the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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