I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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