So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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