I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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