I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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