last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
