He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
