I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
