hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
