I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
