tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
