somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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