Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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