thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
