Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
