You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
