she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
