Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
