does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
