i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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