your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You need Xanax blowdarts
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
