I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
