I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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