I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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