How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize