hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
