Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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