So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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