Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
