Moan for me like Helen Keller
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
