I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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