Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
