how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
