Come see our sink grown plant.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
