last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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