i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
