Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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