I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
