Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
